June 30th, 2006
6:00 pm
It was the third time the man had asked. “What is your name?”
“J-o-s-e-p-h W-i-l-l-i-a-m-s-o-n” I replied.
The man, who was taking the picture of me for the young Scots card, finally accepted that as my name, but very unwillingly and gave me a suspicious look. I thought that if I had said Jacky Chan he would have been more willing to accept it.
My name is Joseph Williamson, my mother is Taiwanese and my father is English. Like most people I inherited my surname from my father, but my good looks are from my mother; therefore my appearance is 100% east Asian.
Wherever I go, people ask me whether I’m Chinese or Japanese. Every time I have to say that I’m neither, and that I was born in Scotland. I couldn’t give a quick answer, since if I just said that I’m Scottish (which I think I am) people would say, “No, I mean where are your parents from?” If I said I’m Taiwanese they would reply, “Where’s that?” and if I then explain the geography of Taiwan to them, they would have just forgotten it the next minute and say, “So you’re Chinese then?”
It’s even more difficult for me when I’m in other parts of the world, since both Scotland and Taiwan are not really recognised by many people as countries, so I then had to be either English or Chinese. Although if I’m in China, others automatically assumes that I’m Chinese.
Of course there are many people whom I have known for a long time, who have never asked me about my background. It’s very strange to think there are still a large number of people in the world who think it’s important to know the origin of the person they’re talking to. To think at this day and age, where there are huge numbers of different culture and race of people around us, why is it that many people are still curious about one another?
I’m sure there are many people who frequently get asked the same question. But I’m fairly sure that most people would be able to give a simple straightforward answer. For me the answer isn’t at all simple; every time when I get asked that question, I start to feel a sense of not belonging.
Perhaps I don’t associate myself with Taiwan as much as I should. I lived there for around 6 or 8 years, therefore I am fluent in speaking Mandarin, but since I came back to Scotland my English has surpassed my Mandarin. I tried studying Chinese in Scotland for two years, but I found it extremely difficult, therefore I gave it up. I’m not exactly sure why I’ve lost the sense of being Taiwanese; maybe because I don’t have any friends here who speak Mandarin, and since I got on well with friends here, gradually I’ve lost the Taiwanese side of me. Another reason might be that my relationship with my dad is better than with my mom.
Scotland is where I’m being educated. Scotland is where I’m most familiar with the culture and the surroundings. Scotland is where I was born. Yet because I don’t look like a native Scot, that makes all the difference.
In this modern world there is one place where people respect what you believe your nationality is. That place is the Internet; no one in a chat room or a message board will question your identity, and this is the place where I can say I’m Scottish without people trying to argue that I’m not.
It dawned on me that we’re not really in a multiracial society; how many couples do you know who came from a different race or country? To take another example, if you look around your school you’ll probably see a group of Asians together, a group of Chinese people together or white, but only a few mixed groups. So although people of different races talk to one another and work with one another, we are still separate from one another.
Why don’t most of us mix? Perhaps it’s the language barrier. I believe that many who are new to the English language are embarrassed about trying, afraid of being made fun of, so they turn to others of their own background, who can speak the language with which they’re already familiar. I remember when I first came back to Scotland to live with my dad, my English was worse than most beginners, but I wasn’t afraid of trying, and all my new friends then were very supportive of me. There were of course times where I was made fun of for the way I talk, but that didn’t turn me off trying, since I know people like that aren’t worth talking to anyway. I believe that the older you are, the more likely you are to be embarrassed about trying. I was only ten when I came back, and there wasn’t anyone who I can speak Mandarin to, therefore I had to learn to speak English quickly
At the moment it looks as though like I’m going to be faced with many more people debating about my nationality. I sometimes wonder whether my children will have to go through all these complications. Imagine what their response would be; “my mother’s Scottish, and so is my father, but my father’s father is English, and my father’s mother is Taiwanese, and my father looks more like his mother”. Of course it all depends on whether I would be married to someone who looks like a westerner, or someone who looks oriental. Hopefully in the future people would no longer care about ones origin, instead make friends for their personality, the person inside.